I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
