....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
