Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Your penis caused this!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
