We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
