Define "chronic" masturbator.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
