And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
