She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
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I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
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at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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