im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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