i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
