I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
