Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i drank out of a bidet.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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