OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
