If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
