Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I wish I could teleport
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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