How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
