I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
