I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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