The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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