stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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