What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
