Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
