she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I need to align my fucking chakras
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
