I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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