Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
