Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
