Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Slut skills are useful in every country.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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