did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
