dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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