You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
