no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize
