so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
