pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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