And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
