PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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