New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
