ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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