I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
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It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
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Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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