today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
