You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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