Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
