GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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