I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
