There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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