My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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