Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Randomize
