Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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