I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
