Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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