Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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