Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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