Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
