My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
