I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
