My brain says no but my pants say off.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
