i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
