Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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