had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
