paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
