i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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