Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
