Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
